THE AVENGERS (1998)

Lots of rumors on what the hell happened on this expensive dud, a wrong-headed attempt to get a James Bond franchise out the stylishly ‘Mod’ British spy series of the ‘60s.  (Hence all the pricey, Oscar-bait below-the-line talent and top-flight supporting cast.)  The original script was defanged; the original cut slashed by 5 reels after a DOA preview; the original release date moved to cover an open mass-market late summer release.  All likely excuses; all likely true; none would have made a difference: the film misconceived at inception.  As Mr. Steed, unflappable British agent for paranormal threats, Ralph Fiennes demonstrates (not for the first or last time) he’s less wide-release leading man than prestige actor.  As new partner, Uma Thurman, lamely coifed & costumed, completely misses the frisson of constrained sexuality and leather-clad dominatrix styling that made Diana Rigg the face that launched a thousand Baby Boomer . . . er, ships.  As main villain, Sean Connery (sporting a decent toupée for a change) gets to play something like his old nemesis, Goldfinger, controlling the weather as head of The Prospero Project.  (If only he was playing Prospero, the Shakespeare role he was born to play.*)  Connery even gets a pair of scenes lifted straight out of GOLDFINGER: the underground board room meeting; the laser castration table.  (One would have been enough.)  Cut down to 89", this plays not like ‘60s BOND, not like The Avengers in its b&w ‘60s prime, but like campy ‘60s BATMAN.   (Though composer Joel McNeely gets all the way up to the ‘70s with a John Barry like score.)  Director Jeremiah Chechik & writer Don MacPherson caught most of the grief from the tens of millions lost; Fiennes & Thurman found more appropriate things to do; Connery started to plan retirement; while ultra-connected producer Jerry Weintraub was back on top as quick as you can say OCEAN’S ELEVEN/’01.

ATTENTION MUST BE PAID:  *Speaking of The Bard, the script has Connery quote Richard III’s ‘Now is the winter of our discontent,’ without understanding the line.  ‘Now’ in this context doesn’t mean it’s now winter, but that winter has just now been 'made (turned into) glorious summer.’