THE GREAT WALL (2016)

Did Beijing host a World’s Fair in 2016?  Summer/Winter Olympics played elsewhere, yes?  So why does this overproduced historical Asian Actioner feel like a generic Tall Tale fit for mass consumption at some International EXPO?  A bare 90 minutes (sans credit crawl), it’s on the short side.  Just the thing for an air-conditioned break after exhausting queues for rides & cultural exhibits.  Once edgy, now safe, top-tier director Yimou Zhang offers faceless professionalism on a tale that only tangentially involves China’s Great Wall as Western adventurers Matt Damon & Pedro Pascal get captured trying to steal bags of ‘black powder.’  (Wouldn’t they at least be looking for a gun-powder formula?)  Unaware they’ve stepped into an invasion of CGI lizard monsters (well, something like that) out to take over the country.  But the boys fight so well they’re adopted as warriors by the Emperor’s forces (specialized male & female units in color coordinated team uniforms under a lovely lady General).  Quite the show, too, as if Busby Berkeley took up Chinese period warfare.  Commercially, the film weathered backlash for it’s Caucasian hero (even on our Asian poster Damon’s front-and-center, not Commander Tian Jing), but that’s less bothersome than having so many characters conveniently fluent in English.  Even more injustice in that while Damon & unreliable BFF Pascal are each about 5'10", Zhang manages his angles to make Damon look about half a foot taller.  That’s real star power.

DOUBLE-BILL/LINK:  Yimou Zhang’s HERO/’02 has long been a go-to entry point for the new wave of historical Chinese action/pageant pics.  But a favorite here is John Woo’s two-part RED CLIFF, made on his return to Asia from Hollywood filmmaking.  https://maksquibs.blogspot.com/2010/08/chi-bi-red-cliff-2008.html  https://maksquibs.blogspot.com/2012/03/chi-baction/i-xia-jue-zhan-tian-xia-red-cliff.html

PATTERNS (1956)

Had Benjamin Franklin lived to see the ‘Golden Age’ of live tv drama in the 1950s & ‘60s, his most famous quip would go, ‘Nothing is certain except death, taxes & overrated tele-plays.’   PATTERNS, Rod Serling’s pre-TWILIGHT ZONE calling-card credit being a prime example.  (MARTY/’55, 12 ANGRY MEN/’57, DAYS OF WINE AND ROSES/’62 likely the best known for going from small to large screen, with the latter an exception to the rule.)  Here, slightly recast/slightly opened up is the film version of the 1955 Kraft Television Theatre presentation, both from Serling & director Fielder Cook.  A corridors of corporate power drama, Van Heflin’s the fresh exec from the MidWest hired by CEOgre Everett Sloane as a stealth replacement for fast-aging Ed Begley.  Only problem, Begley & Heflin bond right away, agree on the issues and put people first.  Sloane all heartless bottom-line.  (Anyone who can’t see where this is going deserves to watch the film.)  Glib and pretentious at once, Serling can always be counted on to highlight the obvious.  That’s okay, but his morality tales (at least his originals) work better in half-hour format.  (No time to find him out.  Even TWILIGHT ZONE always better at 30" rather than 60".)  Worse, every story beat telegraphed; every character flaw set in neon (Begley might as well have LOSER printed on his forehead); every actor indicating like mad (‘The Method’ nowhere in sight, with loyal secretary Elizabeth Wilson all telltale twitches); and every piece of info repeated so we won’t miss it.  Plus, a copout ending to let us know capitalism is tough, but good for you.  (Today Sloane would be a stand-in Scott Rudin/Harvey Weinstein pariah.)  Made on the cheap, the film still managed to lose a boodle as M-G-M’s EXECUTIVE SUITE had pretty much swept this territory.*

WATCH THIS, NOT THAT/ATTENTION MUST BE PAID/LINK:  *Playing much the same role she had in her Oscar®-winning turn in NETWORK/’76, Beatrice Straight is Heflin’s worried/supportive wife.  Funny since William Holden had the equivalent Heflin role in EXECUTIVE SUITE/'54 and would get Straight as his equivalent wife when he played something similar in NETWORK.    https://maksquibs.blogspot.com/2008/06/executive-suite-1954.html

I SAW WHAT YOU DID (1965)

Feeling dissed by co-star Bette Davis as HUSH . . . HUSH, SWEET CHARLOTTE /’64, their followup to the unexpected smash success of WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE?/’62, began filming, Joan Crawford feigned illness to ankle the film.  Professionally, a fatal move which this fallback project did little to fix.*  No doubt, Crawford knew it was a cheap exploitation pic, but as her previous completed film, STRAIT-JACKET/’64, was another crappy-shocker from schlockmeister William Castle, she must have felt she was running for cover.  Perhaps even relieved her role was little more than a glorified cameo.  She enters at 20 minutes/leaves at 50.  (12" on screen?)  Meanwhile, the real story focuses on a couple of bratty teen girlfriends (career stopping debuts from Andi Garrett & Sara Lane going on to a combined total of 8 credits) whose prank phone calls tell perfect strangers ‘I saw what you did!’  Naturally, one random number goes to John Ireland who’s just murdered his lover in a shower scene meant to recall Hitchcock’s PSYCHO/’60.  (And good luck that!)  At his best, Castle’s films were campy, amusingly awful and gimmicky.  This one is only awful.

ATTENTION MUST BE PAID:  Sets, soundstage exteriors, acting, hair styling; everything third-rate without being fun.  But the booby prize goes to Castle ‘house composer' Van Alexander.  So off the mark, you wonder if he looked at the film before scoring.

WATCH THIS, NOT THAT/LINK:  Ryan Murphy’s 8-part mini: FEUD: BETTE AND JOAN/'17, gets a helluva lot right seven-eights of the way, only to collapse into misogynist fiction in the final episode.  https://maksquibs.blogspot.com/2022/10/feud-bette-and-joan-2017.html