THE FALL OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE (1964)

More like The Fall of Producer Samuel Bronston who channeled hefty profits, goodwill & much creative talent from EL CID/’61 into this hubristic deadweight; then never recovered. There’s plenty of wrong to go around here, but the main problem is that the writers (even with ‘your free gift’ historian Will Durant as ‘Consultant’*) could neither whip up nor lick the storyline. And the film trailer promises ‘A World . . . An Empire . . . A Motion Picture!’ Not quite. First half of a three-hour slog has Alec Guinness’s Marcus Aurelius crawl his way to chilly death while daughter Sophia Loren (in Balmain on the Tiber fur) longs for preferred successor Stephen Boyd (in unbecoming blond locks) and stares daggers at nutso brother/would-be heir Christopher Plummer’s Commodus. (Plummer gives the fruitiest perf in the pic; atrocious, but lively.) To everyone’s relief, blind philosopher Mel Ferrer pulls the ol’ poisoned apple gag on Aurelius, hastening his demise to keep the line of succession in the family. And with Plummer installed as a new mad emperor, the usual Bread & Circus Sword & Sandal tropes take over as we move from frosty Germanica to a massive Roman Forum reconstruction of truly spectacular scale. You feel bankrupt just looking at it. (Not since Henry King & Lillian Gish rebuilt Renaissance Florence in ROMOLA/’24, without resorting to miniatures, mattes or trompe l’oeil, has anything so gobsmacking been seen on screen.) Plus, grunting stars (Anthony Quayle; John Ireland); speechifying poetic types (James Mason; Omar Sharif; even old Finlay Currie), all to little purpose, while Dmitri Tiomkin’s odd score enters in its own aural acoustic with pastiche Bach (an organ sonata for the opening credits); fake Rimsky-Korsakov (Eastern Empire revolt); and a Rossiniana tarantella for the dancing throngs finale. The film is not without defenders (I’m looking at you, Martin Scorsese), but it's no EL CID.

SCREWY THOUGHT OF THE DAY: *Orson Welles, with a fortieth the budget, was shooting CHIMES OF MIDNIGHT/’65 on the Bronston lot a stage or two away from all this mishegas. There’s the ‘consultant’ Bronston should have gone for.

ATTENTION MUST BE PAID: In an attempt to liven up the first half, Yakima Canutt’s staged a very BEN-HUR like chariot race between brotherly competitors: Boyd, now as ‘good guy’ & Plummer doing the sub-textual/suppressed gay ‘bad boy’ honors.

DOUBLE-BILL: Ridley Scott must have taken notes on this when he was working up GLADIATOR/’00.

LA TORTUE ROUGE / THE RED TURTLE (2016)

Michael Dudok de Wit’s Man vs Nature/Man with Nature survival tale, the first non-Japanese animation from Studio Ghibli, is stunning stuff. Beginning as a Robinson Crusoe shipwreck fable, it neatly switches gears into something of a Creation myth with an Eve who appears . . . let’s just say, not via man’s rib. Told as a near-silent film*, without any dragging or artsy manners, de Wit avoids even a hint of the overly precious or pretentious, finding a rhythm (of life) in his pacing with just a few big action-oriented set pieces. (Yet, there’s a gasp-worthy moment or two of beauty or suspense in every reel.) An opening storm at sea, with waves out of a Japanese period print, sets the tone, but merely hints at the range of superb backgrounds & vistas that envelop these simply drawn characters and the whimsical atoll wildlife who lift the mood as needed. Very special, with unexpectedly broad appeal.

DOUBLE-BILL: *The silent film storytelling technique isn’t too far from the island sequence for Boy and Horse alone in THE BLACK STALLION/’79.

CHINA SKY (1945)

With its all-star cast of ‘YellowFace’ principals, the 1937 adaptation of Pearl Buck’s magnum opus THE GOOD EARTH/’37 makes uncomfortable modern-day viewing. (Same for DRAGON SEED/’44.) But this relatively modest effort is hardly an adequate substitute. Here, China & its people are merely exotic background to a love triangle between a female doctor at a Chinese clinic and the American doctor who got the hospital up and running, now returned from America with a new wife. Even as WWII erupts around them, and ‘Japs’ threaten to overrun the town, these three play out romantic jealousy tropes until Randolph Scott’s handsome doc notices he married the wrong dame! Under journeyman megger Ray Enright, lady doc Ruth Warrick & bitchy bride Ellen Drew telegraph their entire character arcs at first glance, so the film drags even at 80 minutes. Anthony Quinn & Carol Thurston get the only two Yellowface spots (she almost passes; Tony’s cosmetic Asian eye-lid crease defeats his face), but at least the other Asian roles are cast with actual Asians, so that’s something. Just not enough.

SCREWY THOUGHT OF THE DAY: Quinn, in real life Mexican/Irish, got away playing almost every ethnic type out there, generally without serious prosthetic help. Not here.

WATCH THIS, NOT THAT: Buck’s THE GOOD EARTH, especially in its first half, still an impressive watch, though anyone under 35 may find the whole YellowFace concept not so much insulting as bizarre. Yet, even in dramatic roles, the custom lasted decades after the far more stylized BlackFace was laid to rest. It still shows up in comic mode, but does seem to have died out for drama back in the ‘80s.

GET OUT (2017)

Often as not, on their Comedy Central sketch show, Jordan Peele & partner Keegan-Michael Key were more wicked sharp than wicked funny taking on edgy race & social issues. But now, working solo in his feature debut as writer/ director, Peele finds a way past hit-and-miss results by pivoting to the dark side, adding a strain of horror folded into awkward social commentary. It’s an effective mix, gleefully setting off discomforting laughs to stick in your throat. Daniel Kaluuya & Alison Williams play a young interracial couple off for a first-time visit with her folks & kid brother. It’s post-Obama GUESS WHO’S COMING TO DINNER/’67, but double-barrel loaded as the normal stress of a family gathering gains added tension from racially biased behavior (either too polite & too rude) to be sweep under the heirloom rug. And here Peele pulls his big switcheroo pivot, bringing in echoes of INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS/’56 as re-imagined by Shirley Jackson.* Yikes! It’s deliciously nasty stuff. Even with an outlier character phoned in (literally) for an audience-pleasing coup de théâtre Peele may regret a few films down the line. Just now, he’s more assured as writer than director with some stiff staging & uneven results in smaller roles. But a big, deserved success, leaving you hungry for his next clever audacity. (Another Not-For-The-Kiddies Family Friendly label. But a stealth bomb of social issues for teens . . . and adults.)

DOUBLE-BILL: *In 1969, Jackson’s classic short story, THE LOTTERY was made as a two-reel short. Then, in ‘96 at five times the length, stretched into a tv-movie. (Neither seen here.)  OR: NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD/’68, the presumed reference right at the end.

KANSAS CITY CONFIDENTIAL (1952)

Exemplary noir. A typically taut, modest, effective crime meller from Phil Karlson with John Payne looking for payback after he’s unjustly implicated in Preston Foster’s ‘Perfect Crime’ bank robbery. A trifecta of thugs (Neville Brand, Lee Van Cleef, Jack Elam; fresh, startling faces in ‘52) are the real culprits, hired by Foster and forced to wear masks to hide their identities even from each other before going separate ways after the job and a yet-to-be-announced meet-up in Mexico for the split. Framed by circumstance as an accomplice, Payne is quickly cleared, but not before he’s brutally hammered by confession-hungry cops and fired from his job. With only a clue to go on, Payne tracks down one of the gang and follows up on this lead to a modest Mexican resort. He’s on the verge of a breakthru when a wild card in the form of Foster’s grown daughter (Coleen Gray) makes a surprise visit that threatens the final double-twist payoff. Karlson was doing his best work in the ‘50s, with a gift for clarifying tricky plot turns and envelope-pushing taste in violence. Add on special rapport for the undervalued Payne, a mid-list/mid-weight ex-20th/Fox star who turned tough after his contract days; much like Dick Powell & Robert Montgomery, though less stylized. An Everyman type, sweating his way in and out of jams.

DOUBLE-BILL: Payne & Karlson reteamed for 99 RIVER STREET/’53 and HELL’S ISLAND/’55.

ZERO HOUR! (1957)

Famous (well, infamous) as the principle source for the hit spoof AIRPLANE!/’80, this little Canadian-based indie is, on its own terms, hokey, suspenseful thru the snickers & good fun. Pieces of business & dialogue used almost verbatim in the classic parody ricochet in your brain and can give you a case of the giggles as Dana Andrews’ distressed ex-bomber pilot takes the controls of a passenger plane after both pilots (plus half the cabin) choose tainted halibut over lamb chops as their entrée. (Halibut? Only in Canada.) Andrews replayed these terror tropes to risible effect in THE CROWDED SKY/’60, but here the inadvertent laughs almost feel integral under Hall Bartlett’s hack megging.* Sterling Hayden’s the tough-talking ground liaison guy; Linda Darnell the runaway wife, with halibut eating son, trusting Andrews to bring them in; and Jerry Paris makes like Senor Wences with a sock puppet to distract the sick kid. Some model plane effects are anything but special, while simple suspense elements (a dash panel from hell; knocked-out radio frequency) do most of the work. And it doesn’t hurt to be in-and-out in a speedy 80 minutes.

DOUBLE-BILL: Obviously, AIRPLANE! But which to watch first? Hint: ZERO is much funnier seen second.

SCREWY THOUGHT OF THE DAY: *Novelist Arthur Hailey, of AIRPORT/’70 fame, and not exactly known for his sense of humor, co-scripted. Any laughs are definitely inadvertent.

ATTENTION MUST BE PAID: Dana Andrews’ speech sounds crisp & clear compared with last year’s BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT where his drinking problems made for difficult afternoon shoots. Was he newly on the wagon?

THE GOOSE AND THE GANDER (1935)

Charles Kenyon’s script (from his ‘original’ story) doesn’t sound too promising: Ex-Wife, overhearing Wife #2 plan an assignation with a new lover, tries to screw up all parties with a secret rendezvous of her own . . . with her Ex . . . at the same location! Oh dear, one of those ‘smart’ drawing room farces that stagger along between arch overacting & dopey misunderstandings. Worse, a comic mix-up brings in a ‘wrong’ couple, a misidentified pair of jewel robbers. Yikes! But wait! With skilled playing (Kay Francis, George Brent & Genevieve Tobin lightly skating on the surface); Kenyon’s cleanly parsed crisscross plotting; and Alfred E. Green’s unfussy megging (it helps that he’s unable to make much of things), the Pre-Code attitudes find their mark in a Post-Code film environment, coming across with spirit, elegance & fun. No undiscovered gem; but quite pleasant work from all hands. Good rainy day stuff.

DOUBLE-BILL: Kay Francis, Hollywood's ‘Queen of Decolletage,’ peaked @ Pre-Code Paramount. And that includes an early loan-out to Warners for William Dieterle’s Lubitsch-esque JEWEL THIEF (if only it had a third-act) made right before her pair of classics ONE WAY PASSAGE and TROUBLE IN PARADISE (all three 1932).

SALUTE TO THE MARINES (1943)

Two acts' worth of blustery pre-war Military Service Comedy, for serviceable long-time M-G-M star Wallace Beery, makes an unlikely turn to the deadly serious in a post-Pearl Harbor third act with unexpectedly impressive action chops. The resulting film is schizophrenic, ridiculous & fascinating. Berry, long relegated to B-pics, gets a lux production here: Techni-Color, a class supporting cast, major battle scenes (tanks, planes, explosions, the works). Even a bridge to blow up. Yet the first two-thirds are all wheezy comic tropes as Sgt. Berry, a 30-yr vet who’s never seen battle, trains his last Marine Newbies & Filipino volunteers before retirement and the tricky adjustment to ‘civie’ life with wife Fay Bainter, daughter & suitor (Marilyn Maxwell; William Lundigan) and his peace-loving neighbors. But when the ‘Japs’ come ashore, and the Fifth Columnists come out of hiding, suddenly Berry’s military know-how & discipline come into play. Battle-tested, at last. The effect is weird, and also a little thrilling under journeyman director S. Sylvan Simon, who shows real aptitude for battle logistics & clarifying shot lists. (Or is it the Second-Unit?) And notice how they find a nice spot for Key Luke as a marine boxer (along with a lot of Filipino kids) to help differentiate between ‘good Asians’ and enemy ‘Japs.’

DOUBLE-BILL: John Ford covers this ground from a serious angle in THEY WERE EXPENDABLE/’45.  (And manages to play the Marine Anthem - ‘From the Halls of Montezuma’ - only occasionally.  Here, it’s the ONLY tune.)

TOWARD THE UNKNOWN (1956)

Unexpectedly muscular direction from Mervyn LeRoy (or someone*), along with a dark, near impasto look in Harold Rosson’s WarnerColor lensing, grab your attention in this SuperSonic Test Pilot story. William Holden’s a Korean war vet, working his way back to Top Flyboy at a jet testing facility after a notorious P.O.W. breakdown. He’s also trying to rekindle an old romance with Virginia Leith, now secretary/Girl Friday/default ‘steady’ to General Lloyd Nolan, the hands-on base commander unwilling to give up the reins. Scripter Bernie Lay Jr., a specialist in airborne military saga (STRATEGIC AIR COMMAND/’55; TWELVE O’CLOCK HIGH/’49) layers this 3-pronged drama to good effect between some excellent experimental flights, smartly letting the danger & heroism speak for itself. But you’ll see why the film is now little-known. Leith, her romantic episodes shoehorned in and coming to the end of a short-lived feature run, seems to have ‘looped’ all her lines. Odd coming from such a sexy, distinctive voice. You'd swear Paula Prentiss dubbed her. In a way, the whole film feels dubbed . . . dramatically dubbed. Not bad though.

SCREWY THOUGHT OF THE DAY: *By this point, LeRoy was largely phoning it in. (Literally so per Alec Guinness on A MAJORITY OF ONE/’61 where LeRoy spent more time on the phone dealing with his stable of horses than with his stable of actors.) Here, with so much flying, there’s a high percentage of second-unit stuff. How much else did those guys shoot?

ATTENTION MUST BE PAID: Nice debut for James Garner: relaxed, charming, fully-formed.