This bald-faced attempt to peel off some of the goodwill (and hefty commercial success) of THE BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL/’11 plops an Indian restaurateur-family across the road from a destination countryside French dining establishment for some fill-in-the-blank food porn. It’s as flavorless as they come, with lousy French accents (Helen Mirren, what were you thinking?); dollops of chemistry-free romance between a couple of young chefs-in-training & two equally stubborn late-middle-aged codgers; and, considering the subject matter, alarming cooking gaffes. Our Indian chef startles the food world with stale, pre-ground spices saved from a devastating fire years ago. Really? That’s after he’s made his bones with a ‘test omelet’ for Madame that comes out of the pan about two shades too dark for her old-school cuisine tastes. And would Madame beat eggs for an omelet with a whisk and not a fork? Oo, la-la!!! What would Madeleine Kamman think? Blandly inoffensive, at best, half an hour later you’ll be hungry . . . for a better movie.
SCREWY THOUGHT OF THE DAY: Yet another sappy yarn from Lasse Halström, it goes on a good 40 minutes after the story's played out. So boring, you start hoping for a stealth truck to appear out of the blue on that damn stretch of road between the two restaurants and run someone over.
WATCH THIS, NOT THAT: For some real French food porn, hie thee hence to BABETTE’S FEAST/’87.